(The following is part one of an assignment for professor Teal’s second-level class on Stanley Kubrick; this following project, then, is creative in nature and uses Kubrick’s films as a platform to explore ideas relevant to youth culture. It is a short-story and should be read as ironically as possible, even in Kubrick’s voice if you can manage it.)
A Night to Forget
1. Introduction: Or, Why I Can’t Feel My Face
Hello. It is me, the narrator. I’m you. Or, let me rephrase: I’m your inner-voice. You can hear me like a voice-over. This probably confuses you since I have never talked to you like this before. Why you can hear me now I can’t explain. It’s just the way it is, so let’s move on. But, okay, I will wait for you to vomit again before—Awww… gross, all over your shoes. Sick.
So, by now you know that you are hung-over. That’s why there is that pounding in your head and you are feeling a bit all over the place. You went out, got shitfaced on the juicy-juice which is not meant for kids, and had a night you will never forget to forget. That’s because you lost something very, very important last night and you need to get it back.
Ha! I knew that would get you to your awareness: the look on your face is priceless. You look like Charlie Chaplin trying to impersonate an asshole. Classic.
Okay. I will be honest with you. What you lost is not something you can get back, but it is vital you reclaim it all the same. If this seems like a riddle, then it is because that it is; why you would make a riddle over losing this… the thing is anyone’s guess, but it is what it is so I guess we will have to bear and grin it.
Also: you will be able to see fictional characters from the films of legendary filmmaker Stanley Kubrick brought to life before your very eyes; only you will be able to see them, though, so do not make the rookie mistake that every loser in your shoes makes—do NOT try and converse with them or do anything which presupposes that anyone else can see them. It doesn’t work that way and as a human being who is mostly in charge of their cognitive faculties, you should be able to remember this, so before you start shit and shout at a fictional character in the middle of a crowded lunchroom, remember this: are you a fucking dipshit?
So, with that caveat— no, I will not explain to you what this means, why unreal characters are going to be made real, like a low budget Space Jams re-make. It is just the way it is.
So, if you are finished hurling your guts out, care to take a stroll outside? Yes, I will wait another few minutes.